The Carstens: February 2011

I would like to introduce Miss Abigail Suzanne Carstens to you. Abby was born at 5:25pm on Thursday, February 10th after an interesting series of events (which I will get to below). She weighed 7 lbs even at birth, was 19.5 inches long, and had a headful of long black hair.

Abby's first portrait

Abby's introduction to the world began Wednesday at my Doctor's appointment for my 38 week checkup (I was one day shy of 38 weeks at the time). I was feeling a little more tired but still doing awesome (I'd worked out with my trainer at the gym two days earlier) and thought I might have felt a mild contraction or two. The appointment started very normally with weight and a blood pressure check by the nurse. At my previous appointment the Doctor had found that I was dilated between 2 and 3 centimeters so I was hoping that I'd progressed to a solid 3 or maybe even a slight 4. Boy was I surprised when the Doctor checked and said that I was between 4 and 5 centimeters dilated and needed to head over to the hospital to get checked in as I was considered to be in active labor. Um, I hadn't even felt a strong contraction yet so what did he mean I was in labor?

Well, I called Nate and let him know what was going on so that he could meet me at the hospital. I then began thinking of all that was still left undone. My hospital bag wasn't packed, we didn't have our laboring massage devices, and our main doula was not on call that night as it was her husband's birthday. So it was an interesting mix of emotions when we both got to the hospital. Nate was over-filled with excitement where I was in my "oh my God, oh my God, oh my God" stage (similar to the freak-out I first had when Nate proposed). We got checked into our room, started the antibiotic IV (as I was Group Strep B positive), and got a monitor on to monitor Abby's heart rate and my contractions. It was very interesting to see on the monitor that I was having a contraction and then compare it to what I was feeling, which frankly was not much. There were a few contractions that I felt, but it was very similar to a light monthly cramp so it wasn't what I expected contractions to feel like. I asked to be placed under observation instead of technically admitted as I still wasn't certain that labor was imminent. At 2:00pm I was checked again and my cervix had dilated to 6 centimeters and I was officially admitted into the hospital as a laboring Mom.

We contacted our doulas (main and backup) to let them know I was admitted and I began pacing the maternity ward floor. I quickly developed a walking path, although I had so much anxious energy at first that for the first two hours of walking I pretty much ran through the hallways. Nate said that it was the fastest he'd seen me move in months! Thankfully, Melissa (our backup doula) arrived shortly thereafter and she started having me slow down to a more 'labor stroll' in the hopes to bring on more contractions (as I still wasn't feeling much of anything - mostly just a sore back). For a few hours it was Melissa (and eventually Kristina) helping me walk around the hospital, rocking on the birthing ball, and other forms of stimulation. At 5pm I was checked again and had made no progress, I was still at 6cm and still not feeling anything. In fact, the contraction monitor was no longer showing that I was having any contractions. About this time the doctor arrived and discussed breaking my water to help speed up labor. After talking this over with Nate we decided not to go this route. Basically feeling that we wanted my labor to progress as naturally as possible and we felt that breaking my water was the first step in a potentially long serious of interventions that we didn't want to have happen. So I waited for contractions to begin starting again on their own. And waited...and waited....and waited.

Around 3am I was sick and tired of being in the hospital. The bed was hard as a rock (necessary for birthing but not fun for sleeping), I was still at 6cm and not feeling contractions, and I was being constantly awoken from what meager sleep I was managing to get with the nurses fiddling with the monitors. Since Abby was turned towards my back (instead of being head down and facing my back she was head down and facing my front - aka: sunny side up) the monitors had a hard time picking up her heart beat. Either it was so faint that the monitors would miss beats or she'd be moving around enough that the monitors wouldn't pick up any beats. So that meant that around three times an hour I was being woken up by the nurses moving the belly monitors. At this point I asked the nurse for portable monitors as I wanted to sleep on the pull out bed with Nate. She said the only way to do that would be to request that I not be monitored until my next antibiotic IV. I then requested that I not be monitored until my next antibiotic IV. :-) The monitors were taken off, the nurse left, and I started to move to the better bed. However, the nurse quickly returned and said that she'd spoken to the doctor and if I wanted to I was okay to go home. Yippee Skippie! Nate and I jumped on this. Nate feels that I wore the doctor down as I'd previously mentioned going home to labor a time or two before (after stalling at 6cm) whereas I think the doctor finally realized that my body was going to go into labor when it wanted to and since I wasn't electing for intervention it could be a while. So Nate and I packed up and headed home for a great night of restful sleep.

Another pretty picture of Miss Abby.

After waking up after a full eight hours of sleep (heaven!) Nate and I decided to head out for lunch at Applebee's as we were still a bit tired from the late night and excitement of the previous day. I sort of ate lunch but wasn't feeling all that hot. Then towards the end of the meal I felt a strong cramp. I breathed through it a bit then decided to go to the restroom to see if that helped. Nope, another cramp. I got back to Nate (who had awesomely anticipated my unhappy status and had requested and paid for the bill already) and we headed home. On the way home, another cramp. Once at home, another cramp. I got into the shower thinking that the hot water would be soothing but the cramping was coming on so intensely and so closely together that the water wasn't any help. Nate contacted our doulas and after talking to Kristina (the main doula) for a few seconds it was evident that I was heading to the hospital. Oddly enough our Doctor also chose that moment to call to check in on me. Nate told him what was going on and the Doctor said he'd contact the hospital and give them a heads up of our arrival. Then Nate contacted our backup doula (Melissa) and told her what was going on.

Now it was time to get into the car and head to the hospital. Hmm - well, easier said than done. Every time Nate tried to leave me to start the car I would start crying and begging him to come back. After that happened twice Nate gave up on starting the car and focused on getting me dressed which meant putting on a bathroom sans underwear and putting my hair back into a ponytail. Then it was off to the car where I found out that I couldn't sit down on the seat as that hurt my back too much and made the contractions more intense. So I ended up kneeling on the seat facing backwards as Nate drove somewhat within the speed limit to the hospital. I remember thinking as we passed cars how funny we must have looked. Someone looking in their review mirror would have seen the back of this pink bath-robed lady and the people looking at the back of the car would have seen my face grimace in pain.

When we got to the hospital a wheelchair and nurse were waiting for us. Again I couldn't sit down so I was wheeled into the elevator and maternity ward kneeling backwards in the wheelchair and holding on for dear life. When we got to the maternity ward a rush of nurses came out to meet us and escorted us into my room. (It was odd seeing other mom's get admitted a few days later - they calmly walked into the birthing center, mentioned they were in labor, and calmly were escorted by a nurse into their room - I'm sure I missed the more dramatic entrances, but I definitely didn't see any while I was there). Now, I like to think of myself as a pretty modest person but I certainly didn't have a modest bone in my body when I got into my room. I always figured I'd be dressed in a gown with a nursing bra on while laboring but instead I whipped off my bathrobe and stood naked in the room while the nurses got me on the bed to see how far I'd dilated. I remember saying "You're freaking kidding me" when the nurse said I was still at 6 cm.

Abby sleeping at home.

After getting checked the doulas and head nurse thought I might be able to work through contractions better while in the birthing tub. So into the warm water I went. Nate tried going back downstairs to grab our stuff so he could change into his swimsuit, but the doulas wouldn't let him! So into the water in his boxers he went. I labored there for about 45 minutes. Towards the end of the 45 minutes I started feeling the need to push. It's a weird feeling when your body decides that it wants to do something that your nurses are telling you not to do (as I wasn't dilated fully yet). I quickly learned to blow through the urge to push and that pretty much became my breathing style of choice. I was still feeling a lot of back labor at the time so the head nurse, Trish, thought it might be in my best interest to turn Abby (from her sunny side up position to the head backwards position that was desired for birth) in the hopes to stop back labor and ease delivery.

Oh, my goodness. Having Abby turned was by far the most painful thing I have ever experienced. The nurses got me on the laboring bed in an on all fours position with my butt in the air and my head laying on the bed. During my next two contractions my nurse reached up and was able to grab Abby's head and slowly turned her body the last quarter turn (my body had naturally turned her three quarters of the way into the correct position) to get her into the best birthing position. During this turning I ended up throwing up twice due to the pain. I remember after all was said and done laying my head on the bed and just sobbing a tearless sob, as I didn't have the energy to produce any tears, and doing a great wail of "that hurts".

After the procedure I went back to focusing on breathing and not pushing. I was also given an oxygen mask and turned onto my left side (with a birthing ball between my legs) as Abby's heart rate had dropped down to 40 beats per minute during and right after the procedure. The oxygen and side laboring were to help bring her heart rate back into normal range. After a few minutes her heart rate came back up to a normal rate, but boy am I glad I didn't know this at the time. I would have really freaked out knowing how dangerously low she'd gotten. Around this point I finally had enough of the feeling that I wasn't getting a break between contractions. I was actually not able to tell when one contraction ended and another began so Trish, the nurse, was having to put her hand on my stomach to tell me when to slow my breathing down and take a deep cleansing breath to end the contraction. I turned to Nate and told him that I needed something to help give me a break, even just the smallest break. I tried focusing on Kristina to have her help me breathe, while squeezing Nate's hand for support, and feeling Melissa rub my bag for soothing, but even all their assistance wasn't enough to make me mentally (or physically) believe I was getting the break I needed. After waiting through another five contractions I still felt this way, so Nate and I 'talked' (basically I looked at him and pleaded for a little help and begged forgiveness for needing help while he told me that he supported whatever decision I made) and I decided to take a hit of Fentanyl. I really couldn't tell you if the Fentanyl actually provided any relief because by the time the nurse came back and inserted the drug into my IV I was really having difficult keeping from pushing. So after finishing the IV insertion she checked me and saw that I was at 9 cm with just a bit of a lip and thought that with some help I would be at 10 cm in just a few contractions. Sure enough with a bit of massage and a few contractions I was fully dilated at 10 cm and ready to push my Abby into the world.

Pushing is an unreal experience. All of a sudden I had a purpose and a goal and the pain, while not disappearing, moved in a new direction. Whereas previously the contraction pains were something to work through or over now the contractions were something to work with to push out Abby. I found myself easily able to tell when to start and stop pushing and therefore able to rest for the few seconds between pushing. (This could have been a bit from the Fentanyl or from the change in birthing direction, I don't know). The nurse helped to try and ease any tearing I might have by massaging me as I pushed. Nope, the Doctor was still not at my side. I believe I pushed for about 20 minutes (according to those in the room with me) and was later told that every push was a progressive push. I even got to touch Abby's head as she was getting ready to crown. As for crowning....that ring of fire they talk about....totally true. Then suddenly activity increased, I was told to push a little and pause, push a little and pause (in the hopes of slowly stretching me to allow Abby out without tearing) and with a big gooey plop she was suddenly out of my womb and into my arms. 2 hours and 45 minutes after feeling my first contraction I was holding my baby.

One of my first pictures with Abby after delivery.

Holding Abby was surreal. On the one hand I remember thinking she's finally here and just nuzzling her face with my cheek (completely uncaring about her state of 'yuck') and on the other hand just having a blank mind. As if what part of my brain could focus was solely focus on Abby and the part that couldn't focus just drifted into nothing land (hey - I was thinking like a boy for a few seconds!). I also remember feeling this weird rope thing between my legs and trying to move it off of me only to hear the nurses saying that I shouldn't touch it (what I now recognize as the umbilical cord) and that it wasn't any longer. I guess I was trying to yang more of the cord out of me to either pull Abby up higher or move the cord off my inner thigh. Obviously, not a good idea. I also remember Nate's cheek resting against mine as he also saw Abby for the first time (he did look as she was crowning and exiting me, but said that was a weird sight and much preferred seeing Abby when she was fully delivered). Then the Doctor arrived and Nate got to cut the cord!

I got my wish and Abby was in my arms the whole time I was delivering the placenta and being stitched up (I ended up having a second degree internal tear - which really hasn't given me too much trouble other than all things down below being a bit sensitive). It was probably another 30 minutes after delivery when I was told that Abby needed a bit of checking to make sure all was well (since her heart rate had dropped earlier), so I had Nate go with Abby to keep an eye on her while I had a nurse help me into the bathroom for a quick shower. I guess in my nuzzling of Abby I'd gotten a bit of blood on my face and chest as well as all the birthing blood on the rest of me. Come to find out I surprised everyone a bit. After being asked if I wanted a shower I said yes, asked for a hand to help me up off the bed, got up and walked to the shower. I guess the nurse meant that should I want a shower she'd get another nurse or so to help me stand up and walk to the restroom. Doing so on my own so soon after birth was not something expected. Go me!

After that it was bonding time with Nate, Abby, and myself. I remember cuddling her and slowing coming back to reality. Realizing that at some point during the labor I'd had wrist bands put on and an IV antibiotic drip inserted. I have no recollection of this happening. It was also an experience to see Nate hold his daughter for the first time (again realizing that I had a daughter but have no idea if I was told this, just knew this, or overheard someone say something about a daughter as I don't remember being told she was a girl). The hospital was great as this bonding time went on for hours. It was probably close to 9pm before a nurse came back to finish checking Abby out, getting her measured, and giving her a proper bath rather than a quick cleaning.

My swollen feet after delivery. My whole body puffed up like a balloon.

The next few days in the hospital were a whirlwind of trying to sleep, trying to nurse, having family and friends meet Abby and just getting used to the fact that this little person who'd been inside of me for so long was finally on my chest for me to snuggle with. I still can't believe that less than two days after delivery they were allowing me to go home. How can people let such a small, helpless being go home with two unequipped adults who have no idea about caring for a baby. There should be some sort of test you have to pass! But home we brought her.

Nate and Abby sleeping at home.

Now at home it feels like Abby has always been a part of our lives. Trying to remember what life was like without her is like remembering a distant memory. We both just adore the fact that she's here. Sure we're tired, we feel helpless when we don't understand why she's crying, we get overly worried in trying to determine if she's too cold/hot/hungry/tired/etc but overall having Abby was an absolute miracle and we are blessed to have her.

Thanks for reading my birth story (or book)! I give fair warning that this blog will now include lots of Abby details, but will definitely make an effort to include other aspects of our life as well. Here's to a family of three!